Saturday, December 1, 2007

on being grown up

Point:
Being an adult is not all it's cracked up to be. Reckless abandon is replaced by responsibility, carelessness by stress and as each day passes the weight of the world transfers slowly atop unwanting shoulders. Needing is replaced by being needed and personal time becomes a virtual thing of the past, being anything but personal as it is not so quietly shredded by multi-tasking. The thought process that accompanies action and consequence is forced beyond "how much trouble will this get me in?" to "how is everything I do in my daily life going to affect the world and the way in which my children grow?"  The once coveted freedom of being an adult and having total control over choices made in life is crushed by the weight of the severity and complexity of the real choices that must be made. But it's not only the big things; even the smallest, seemingly simplest decisions can suddenly become cumbersome. The responsibility that comes with being an adult has a way of seeping in to every facet of life and filling even the most sacred personal rituals with leaden guilt. Sinking, grasping at the joy, release and freedom once brought by these things one can't shake the thought looming in the subconscious-- "what else should I be getting done right now?"

Counter Point:

Despite the heavy overtones of my last posting, please don't take is as pessimism or depression. It is simply fact. Thankfully that is not the only fact in life. Yes, I am looking around at a house that is less than kempt, dishes creep from sink to countertop, mail and paperwork avalanche over nearly every flat surface, and dust and sticky fingerprints peek from around clutter that seems to have exploded from every corner of the house. However, this morning I awoke next to a man that would give me the world. We layed side by side in a warm bed under a strong roof and listened to the sounds of our beautiful son, just awake chattering and bouncing in his crib, happy to have awakened to another day full of wonder and exploration. We arose to eat breakfast from a full refrigerator and indulge in a hot shower. Yes, Lakai was a grouch and threw a fit while waiting for his waffle to finish crisping in the toaster, yes more dishes were made and added to the mound in the sink, yes more sticky fingerprints emerged to be sought out and scrubbed and now the bathroom needs cleaned. But the stress of the day slips from mind as I hug my husband goodbye as he is leaving for work and as I type this and a content toddler sleeps in my lap. The weight of the world is still on my shoulders but as I look into loving eyes, feel a warm embrace, hear "I love you" the weight does not hang from my shoulders, but perches.

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